My throat closes up, the tears demand release, but I breathe deep to try and hold them in. Not now. Now is not the time. He will see and he will worry. Because that is what little children think when they see their loved ones cry.
So no, you must not cry, look away to the sky, tilt your head backwards and pretend to stretch your back. This will give you enough time to blink your tears back in.
What caused this to happen? A child, my child. Being watched, without being noticed that a pair of eyes are observing him. I was able to take in all that he was and what he will be. And I know that in my heart, I am doing a good job even if he does call me his big sister.